I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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