Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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