we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
