pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
