so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
