You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
