When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
