Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
