I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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