Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
