How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
