So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
