omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
