dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
