she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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