I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize