Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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