i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
