There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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