If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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