Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
