i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
