You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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