i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize