I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
