Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
