This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize