I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
