i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
