I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
