Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
