I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
