omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
