Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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