Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
