I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
