singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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