If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
