All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
