Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
