So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
