so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
