evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
cat food counts as protein by the way
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
