So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
