i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Your cock deserves a montage
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
