just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
