Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize