Whod you bang
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
