So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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