a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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