I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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