I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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