I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
