Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
