you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
