i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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