Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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