Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
