im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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