My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
high people should be assigned attendants
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
