she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
