duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
