We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I will be naked everywhere
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
