FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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