I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
