well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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