burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize