I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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