the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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