i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
