What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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