Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
