I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
