girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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