I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
