You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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