I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They have beer where we have blood.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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