Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
