New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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