Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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