Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
