I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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