WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize