I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
