I accidentally burped into my bong.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just cropdusted the office
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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