there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize