So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
