Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You left your phone here
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