You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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