Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
