I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
