so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
