that's an acceptable place to lick
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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