we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
