I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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