tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
