I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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