He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
