dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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