you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
