U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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