I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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