talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
