he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
