So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
